What am I doing? Been watching youtube for the last hour.

Today’s been kinda hard. It’s weird because my work shift was only 5 hours long.

But I feel more spent than an 8-hour shift.

I’m tired. Living by myself is good but just feels like I don’t have a direction.

I don’t have any goals, I used to want to find a car apprenticeship but since I haven’t found any yet. I’m in limbo.

Stuck in place and not doing much.

Should I even pursue being a car mechanic? It’s physical work and although I enjoy work that isn’t just sitting at a desk. I’m not sure about 40 hours a week of bending over, carry stuff, and just overall labor.

I’m reconsidering whether I even want a blue-collar job anymore.

Maybe I would enjoy a desk job, something that’s investigative as seen from the Holland RIASEC Code.

I don’t know, I’m not sure. I need to do something.

I kind of want to work at a ski resort and see what it’s like to be a ski bum. Working hard but also playing hard.

It would be pretty nice to snowboard and live in the mountains for a while to adjust to a new life.

These days I feel like I’m wasting a lot of time. A reason for this could be that my exercise routine is fucked, my meditation routine is slightly fucked, and I relapsed for NoFap.

I had 6 months, 6 MONTHS of NoFap.

I felt comfortable with my life and a sense of fulfillment but now that I’ve relapsed I feel desperate and unsure again.

Just like before. I don’t maybe it’s not NoFap that’s giving me this feeling.

Maybe it is the lack of an apprenticeship, a goal, and a passion to strive towards.

That may be why.

I just need to find something to learn and do.

Hopefully, that something will also make me some money and help me survive in some way.

Damn. It’s been a while since I’ve felt like this.

I’m typing away at this article like a mad man, slamming the keys as if my life depends on it.

Who knows, maybe it’s because of the increasing number of shifts I’m taking and the monotony of the work I’m doing.

There’s a lot of things I want to pursue, filmmaking, writing, ski instructor, car mechanic, consulting, etc.

The ideas will never end.

Anyways, gotta set some goals.

Feeling a bit better after getting this out of my system.

Thanks for reading.



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